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  Monday 8th July 2002  The Arts   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Cleanse your mind with our TV Soap Authenticator™

Can't remember if you watched your favourite soap? Then click here
by Kieren McCarthy

It's a modern dilemma: how do you remember whether you caught the last episode of your favourite soap when every one is exactly the same and you always black out at the end of it?

Well, worry no longer with the Rockall Times TV Soap Authenticator™. Simply answers the questions below and we will be able to tell you not only whether you've watched a soap today but also which one you watched.

Don't believe us? Give it a try.


TV Soap Authenticator™

1.Is the television on?
Yes
No
2.Do you feel strangely exhilarated, yet nauseous at the same time?
Yes
No
3.Did you witness at least two entirely improbable events in the last half hour?
Yes
No
4.Did the events cause those involved to react in a way entirely contrary to their characters?
Yes
No
5.Do you recall seeing one of the women in your vision drunk and flat on her arse in the News of the World colour supplement this week?
Yes
No
6.Was there a barmaid that you're supposed to think is sexy but looks like a cross between a sexually abused poodle and a white turd?
Yes
No
7.Were the people poor, dysfunctional, working class, and proud of it?
Yes
No
8.Was everyone shouting all the time?
Yes
No
9.Were they shouting in:
A Scouse accent?
A Yorkshire accent?
A Cockney accent?
A mixture of Northern accents?
A funny foreign accent?
10.Did someone suddenly launch into a menacing, tearful, furious, sensitive, angry, resigned five-minute monologue about a friend shagging a relative?
Yes
No
11.Do you now feel emotionally depressed, dirty, used, somewhat suicidal?
Yes
No

Okay, now just click on the button below and we will instantly tell you if you've watched a soap and what soap it was.

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