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  Monday 15th July 2002  Politics   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Blunkett screams blue murder

Relaxation on death crime will focus police on real crime
by Nigel Pearce

Home Secretary David Blunkett today controversially reclassified murder to free up police resources and enable them to concentrate on real crime.

At a press conference Blindgit stated: "Police time saved will be refocused on class-A traffic crimes such as eating Mars bars while driving and parking on double yellow lines." The scheme has been on test in Brixton in London and will soon extend across the capital and then to the rest of the country.

Blinkit also countered suggestions that he was going soft on crime: "This is not a message to young people that crime and murder is acceptable. An education campaign will be launched in which it is made clear murder is not socially acceptable. The message will be clear: murder is dangerous and will remain a crime. You can still expect the full force of the law to be thrown at you, leading to up to five years imprisonment."

The Association of Chief Police Officers would be issuing guidelines to staff as soon as they return from holiday.

Meanwhile, Shadow Home Secretary Oliver Letwin told his constituents at a meeting: "The government is only manipulating the figures and conning the public. I will be talking to the Conservative leader as soon as I can remember who he is."

 Go on then, hard man