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Porn star Lucy Suckdry announces anal retirement

Ageing porn star Lucy Suckdry has stunned observers today by announcing her imminent retirement from anal sex. The shock move, which will leave a giant hole in the porn industry, was revealed by actors starring in her new movie Buttfuck 3.

According to reports, lead man Hung Stallion was pumping away at Lucy's back passage when she delivered the sensational news. "When you come on this one, I'm finished," she told Stallion, who enquired about the next day's filming. "No, I mean I'm finished, no more, I've had enough cock up my ass to last me a lifetime," she replied. "From now stuff is only coming out — understand me?" Stallion made his money shot with tears in his eyes, observers said.

Incredible as it may seem, the "Queen of Butt" herself is serious about the move, vowing only to continue in "tasteful melodramas with some fuc*king" from now on.

Meanwhile, executives within the porn industry are said to be in a state of high excitement. "Who have we got to replace Suckdry's ass? No one," one told us. "She's irreplaceable. How many women can you name me that can do forty-two anal takes with Mike 'Gaspipe' Philby? We're fuc*ked."

Clues to Ms Suckdry's intention to quit brown work have been about for some time however. In February, she told Porn Star magazine that her sphincter wasn't what it was and how age was starting to take its toll. "I can still get a grapefruit up there, no trouble," she told Porn Star. "But I just can't pop it out like I used to. Last week, I was supposed to hit this painted target about two foot away and instead the fruit just kinda fell out and landed on the floor."

Problems have also been raised by her male co-stars, many of whom have taken to putting a mechanical vagina into Suckdry's anus before inserting themselves. One star, who ask not to be named, told of one embarrassing event in a restaurant. "It was, like, six hours after filming Ass Pumper 6 and we'd all cleaned up and gone out for a meal," he told us. "But then, when Lucy got up to go to the toilet, this huge river of juice just kinda poured out of her ass man. She had no control over it. And I don't know if you've ever tried mopping up six pints of semen, but let me tell you, the manager made it clear we weren't welcome back."

But recent disasters aside, Lucy Suckdry — who began her illustrious career as a receptionist at Spunk Productions before winning Fluffer of the Year in 1978 and becoming one of the screen's most famous stars — will be remembered for her 453 films, including over 800 anal insertions — a world record.

One trainee porn star told us of the effect Lucy had had for women in the industry. "She's a legend," Pussy Somesnatch told us. "Before she came along, anal was, like, an hors d'oeuvre. But thanks to her persistence, it's now seen as an art form in its own right. We've got her ass to thanks for that."

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