I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

The Wonderful World of Bono — UK

Truly the Mother of all exploitative global economies, the United Kingdom also has to bear the shame of centuries of oppression of the Irish nation, Africa, the Far East, and others too numerous to mention.

On the plus side, it does have some top restaurants and clubs. Where else can an artist put aside his heavy international responsibilities, safe in the knowledge that he will not be continually harassed by rubber-necking ordinary people? I recommend London's Met Bar. It's always nice to share a couple of beers with Damian Hirst and Tracey Emin.

Indeed, it was there that myself and fellow crusader Sting originally decided that the world would be a much better place if we flew around it in a private jet occasionally stopping off to deliver a stern lecture to some international statesman. And it worked — just look around you.

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