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Jack Straw in dock over babies-to-paedos scandal

Foreign secretary Jack Straw is to face an angry Commons this week over the sale of thousands of babies and young children to convicted paedophiles.

The row came to light through a Paliamentary question which asked: "How many children under the age of six has the government sold to people listed on the Sex Offenders Register in the last 12 months?" The answer to which was "3,932".

Opposition and Labour MPs immediately rounded on Straw, but the foreign secretary defended the policy, claiming that it fits in with New Labour's stated ethical foreign policy. "We have a very clear policy when it comes to sales," he told us. "If we can be certain of them paying us, we go ahead with it."

The children are raised in large factories outside Birmingham and then flown all over the world where adults that enjoy the company of children pay just over £300 per baby. It's a profitable business, worth nearly £20 billion a year.

A spokesman for one of the companies that manufacturers the babies, Tight and Innocent Ltd, told us that his job was importing for Britain's balance of payments. "If they don't buy our babies, they'll just buy them from the States or Japan. Do you really want that to happen?"

Meanwhile the strong policy adopted by New Labour has so far seen 12 arms deals put on ice while the government ascertains the financial credibility of potential customers. Congo is believed to be unable to afford the fifteen fighter jets it has ordered and Poland is under observation after it reneged on a deal for 24 gas chambers.

Fortunately, the policy has not prevented the UK from selling arms to Israel or India so the governments there can continue to slaughter people with top-of-the-range equipment.

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