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Pop bosses order Klass to 'put them away'

Record bosses have ordered busty Hear'Say star Myleene Klass to "put them away" because her enormous breasts have become so big that they cast a shadow over the rest of the band, we can reveal.

The 24-year-old's 34D cleavage is now the single most discussed topic in Britain, surpassing even football as the conversation of choice in pubs nationwide. However, her management fears that her greatest assets are detracting from the real purpose of the band — to make fantastic music.

An insider said: "Don't get me wrong, Myleene's image is great, and no-one likes a gigantic pair of chest bollocks more than myself. But all the press interest is in her chest, and not the music. This is a real shame when you've got a ground-breaking and highly-talented act like Hear'Say, so we've told her keep them under wraps in future."

Fans have welcomed the news that they will no longer be distracted from enjoying the band's beautifully-crafted pop compositions by Klass's barely-constrained mam-mountains. "She's got a fantastic pair, no doubt about it," one visibly-flushed adolescent told The Rockall Times. "But it's nice to immerse yourself in the lyrical complexity of Hear'Say without having to pop to the bathroom every five minutes with a box of Kleenex."

Doubtless Klass's advisers are hoping to repeat classical pin-up Vanessa Mae's rise to musical credibility which only began in earnest after she "dropped that part of her act where she fired a ping-pong ball into the audience from one of her beautiful oriental orifices", as one aficionado delicately described it.

We tried to speak directly to Polydor Records earlier today, but were told that "everybody is in the pub discussing Myleene's tits".

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