Red Army infringed Nazis' human rights, EC decides

The Red Army troops who seized Berlin's Reichstag building, effectively ending the Second World War, were guilty of infringing the German defenders' human rights, the European Court in Strasbourg has decided.

In a precedent-setting judgement, the court decided that undue force was used to capture the significant building and in particular denounced the use of bullets in persuading the German soldiers to leave.

German soldiers were not given due care and consideration, the decision read. They were not informed of their rights, nor were they consulted before the Russians entered the building. The Germans were also refused leave to appeal to the storming, leaving the entire situation in legal limbo and paving the way for a civil case to reinstate the Third Reich.

The Russian army has been ordered to pay £200,000 in court costs and £10,000 pounds to the relatives of each soldier that fell, £5,000 to those that tripped and £2,000 to those that stubbed their toe. They will also be charged redecorating costs.

A spokesman for the Russians wasted no time in slamming the ruling. "This is outrageous," he told The Rockall Times. "What we did was justified in every sense. This human rights nonsense has gone too far. The next thing you'll be telling me is that French Nazi collaborator Maurice Pappon has won a court case seeking conditional release from his 10-year prison sentence for deporting 1,500 Jews to certain death because the courts didn't give him 'fair treatment'."