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This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer.

The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2002/08/05/classified-ads.html.

Rockall classified ads section

Need an SAS boot? Found a smooth pebble? Click here

by Reith Airie

Items For Sale/Wanted:

  • FOR SALE: One SAS man's boot. Excellent living accommodation (would suit large family of crabs). One careful owner. Complete with finest Iraqi sand. Freehold. Rockall 255606.
  • WANTED: Set of feathers, complete. Close call with cooking pot forces urgency. Rockall 255574.

Lonely Hearts:

  • Female Herring Gull, own nest, ns, gsoh, would like to meet high-flying Arctic Tern for fun, friendship, and possible egg production. Ref LH445671.
  • Wacky, insane, aquatic-loving starfish wants limpet who will cling on to her for wild rides in the surf. Are you a mollusc with a solid muscle foot? If so, call me. Ref LH6666.

Lost and Found:

  • LOST: Pebble, Tuesday, roundish to one end, dark coloured with streaks of seagull shi*t. Sentimental value. Reward. Rockall 255641.

From The Rockall Times Monday 5th August 2002 http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.