South Korea pinpoints exactly where a woman's place is

In a bold move, South Korea's National Assembly has voted to exclude politician Chang Sang from taking the prime ministership because she's a woman.

The decision helps redress the increasing balance of equality in the country, and, it is hoped, remove any foolish ideas that humans with two X chromosomes have with regard to behaving autonomously.

The Assembly cited alleged lying on Ms Sang's part over property deals and her academic background as the reason for rejecting her. It is thought they were appalled at the abnormally low level of corruption she practised. Meanwhile, another presidential candidate, Lee Hoi-Chang, is planning to take over instead despite having been forced to resign over comments he made about Ms Chang based on the fact she had a pair of tits.

An expert in sexual politics told us this was part of a new global trend away from sexual equality and back to treating women as intellectually-inferior walking vaginas. "For the past 50 years or so, the world has flirted with the idea that women are equal to men," he told us. "But we've slowly come to realise that they're too obsessed with their hair to ever be any real use. And then there's the crying and being understanding all the time — apart from when they're on the blob, when they're absolutely nuts. How is a country supposed to function with people like that in positions of responsibility?"

The Saudi Arabian government would be the first to agree. And it is attempting to persuade women to go back to subservience through a new system of "reverse education" in which women are excluded from reading anything that covers unsuitable areas like politics, sex, religion, other women, drugs, popular culture or health. They will enjoy full access however to books and websites on cooking, cleaning and shampoo.

"With luck, we can persuade these lovely creatures to go back to looking after men, like nature intended," a spokesman told The Rockall Times. "If not, then we'll have to oppress them. Shame I know, but how else do I guarantee my dinner will be on the table after a hard day at the office?"