George Dubya Bush is stupid

And Blair agrees with everything he says about Iraq

by Our satire work-experience trainee

[Editorial note: Once a year The Rockall Times opens its doors to one promising work-experience wannabe satirist. Although it is normally our policy to heavily sub-edit all contributions, we do allow them the indulgence of one unexpurgated piece. Readers are invited to comment on how the following piece might be improved, if at all.]

George Dubya Bush is stupid and also completely mad, we can confirm. And, with his poodle Tony Hair of the UK, he seems hell-bent on executing his insane vision of portraying Rambo in the forthcoming Hollywood blockbuster Gulf War III: The Chimp has Landed.

Speaking at a packed press conference, Dubya told the assembled media: "I am a man of peace," before breaking into hysterical laughter with chief of staff Colin Powell.

Bush, who will have to be heavily shaved for his role in the film because he is completely covered in hair because he is, in fact, a chimpanzee, is said to be "looking forward" to murdering millions of Iraqis in his illegal war against Saddam Hussein, and added: "I may be a Texan moron, but I'm also president of the US of A, so I'll kill who I damn well please."

Experts have confirmed that Dubya is the most stupid person on the planet, and the most imbecilic US president since Ronald Reagan. "Yup, he's pretty thick, for sure," confirmed one expert.

Meanwhile, Tony Blair leapt to his master's defence. "Woof woof," he said while humping Dubya's leg.

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