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Wimbledon fans vent fury at relocation plan

The football league season kicked off last Saturday to angry scenes at Selhurst Park as furious Wimbledon fans demonstrated outside the ground against the club's planned move away from its roots.

A large crowd of agitated South Londoners demanded that boss Stuart Murdoch reconsider the decision, which would see Wimbledon relocate to a new, purpose-built stadium in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. Murdoch remains defiant: "The move is good for the club, and it's good for the Cambodians. There's a vast untapped market of football fanatics out there willing to pay good money for season tickets and merchandising. I do feel for our loyal supporters in the UK, but fuc*k 'em basically."

Manchester United supremo Alex Ferguson is said to "hopping mad" that Wimbledon got the jump on him with their daring marketing ploy, having already drafted a scheme to rebuild Old Trafford in Kuala Lumpur, where the majority of United fans are based.

Arsenal's Arsene Wenger is also reported to be looking at a "mobile Highbury" which could be quickly wheeled around the country in response to changes in regional economies. This so-called "slash-and-burn" approach to the beautiful game would enable the big clubs to move on as soon as they had extracted the maximum amount of cash from the locals.

Meanwhile, Dons' supremo Murdoch can only hope that things improve for his beleaguered club, who went down 1-0 to Gillingham in front of a crowd of 11 fans and a small Yorkshire Terrier.

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