New Radiohead album completely unlistenable

The forthcoming album Try This For Size by rock wailers Radiohead has been joyously greeted as the most unlistenable album of all time.

Reviewers have announced that even after 30 listens, they are still unable to come up with suitable all-encompassing-but-witty-and-urbane-musical-tweaker compound expressions to explain its genius.

Lead singer for the band, Thom Yorke, explained his vision in a press release printed on tin foil. "We've been trying to abdicate quietly from this whole 'fame' bollocks for three years now," he said. "But it's backfired, to be honest. Two albums of atonal nonsense have topped the charts. This time out we've abandoned instruments, logic and all the cheery elements of our output the kids have grown to love. Even we can't listen to this one. Are you people thick or something?"

The single For Heaven's Sake features only a static hum and Yorke whimpering about imaginary slaughterhouses. "Let's see them stick that on CD:UK," muttered guitarist Jonny Greenwood, whose only contribution to the album was flinging clods of wet earth at a miked-up wall.

The album has already gone triple-platinum on advance sales alone, and is expected to top the charts for 11 years.