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British girls' holiday sex tally on the wane

British girls are sleeping with fewer people on holiday than any time since 1976, a survey by travel agents Lunge Poly has revealed — and it's nothing to do with modesty.

Incredibly, the survey has found that UK women aged between 17 and 26 sleep with on average just three strangers while on a fortnight's holiday, compared with six last year.

The steep decline has been blamed on gradual dietary changes that have seen a larger percentage of British girls let themselves go a bit.

Incidences of "put 'em away" and "bloody 'ell gel" have also increased 14 per cent in the last three months alone.

With many Europeans and even British men now preferring to know whether it's in or not, the traditional image of the drunk British slag is under threat.

"I dont get it," one rancid bint told us. "Last year, they was all over us. I only had to flash a bit of minge and they was up me before you could say 'mine's a Smirnoff Ice'. This year, I've barely had enough up there to stock Tesco's deli."

The problem lies in inherent social changes thanks to the globalisation of culture and values, one sociologist told The Rockall Times.

"It's all to do with balance," Dave ventured instead. "Once you're a slag, you can't become more of a slag, now can you?" he asked.

"Beforehand, us fellas balanced looks with the likelihood of getting some," he continued. "But it only goes so far, see. Once they've got so fat that their arses look like saddlebags, it's worth taking a gamble on a better looking bird from Australia or whatever. Least you can get 'em to ride you without needing a new set of ribs in the morning."

Such an analysis is unlikely to stop Emma, Tracy, Sarah and Gemma from Northampton however. "That's bollocks that's wat that is," said Trace. "I never 'ave trouble pulling. Trick is to suck 'im off about an hour before the club closes. Works every time. Ag-gag-gag-gag-gag-gag-gag."

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