WTC relatives sue Wright Brothers

Relatives of those killed in the World Trade Center attacks have taken out a $200 billion lawsuit against the ancestors of the Wright brothers, claiming they are directly responsible for Nine Eleven™.

The case, filed in a California court on Friday, claims that all 32 living relatives of the celebrated inventors should be held to blame for the acts of terrorism which saw 3,000 or so die.

"Although the two brothers ushered in a new era of travel and trade, they failed to give due consideration to the other uses their aircraft could be put to," said offence attorney George Edward Greedspastic III. "The Wright family has gained wealth and fame from the invention as so it is only right that they pay the litigants large sums of money because people related to them died."

Although just over half of the ancestors live in the United States, the others will be held equally responsible in law, a Californian judge explained, because of the US' right of veto over international law.

The compensation figure takes into account all the WTC casualties' latent potential, now sadly lost forever, based on an average wage-earning US employee. Called Bill Gates.

We tracked down a Mrs Edna Wright to her house in the Somerset countryside. She was stunned by the lawsuit. "I can't afford to pay them just over $6 billion," she told our reporter. "I've just forked out for the gas bill and I'm tight until the end of the month."

The litigious relatives are defiant however. "Both my cousin and someone I met a couple of times died in that carnage," one told us. "How can I ever get over that? I never will. But a world cruise and a bigger house would be a start."

The complainants' lawyer also refused to back down when it was pointed out that the Wright Brothers' plane did not contain sufficient fuel to cause a catastrophe on the scale of the World Trade Center. "Don't worry about that, we're suing five different petroleum companies for $800 billion each for not taking sufficient account of the flammability of oil-based products. That should cover my fees at least."