Dubya confronts file sharing terror

Speaking in Washington today, President Dubya reiterated his administration's determination to place explosive devices in the hard drives of those who illegally share copyrighted digital content.

"We can't allow this kind of thing to go unmandated and that's where it stops," he said, addressing the annual convention of over-paid executives at Walawala, DC. "You wouldn't do this to Glenn Miller so why should you let our American folk music go all flat?" he added. "Music piracy is killing America and we have to put a stop to the sale of eye patches and stripy tee shirts, and we will, and we will do it now, rather than at any other time in our history."

Critics of the industry have claimed that killing and maiming music consumers is a retrograde move in today's hard market place, but RIAA chief executioner Hilary bin Rosen has defended the move as a necessary step to preserve her salary. "Anybody who steals music deserves to be run through with red-hot metal," she told us from her office in Las Vegas.

Pundits question whether consumers will be willing to buy in technology that may at any time kill them or members of their family, but such concerns have been dismissed by the music industry.

Piracy has been a growing concern for many of today's top earning musicians who face savage cuts in personal support staff and executive relief.

With dropping sales nothing to do with the economy or the mind-numbingly bland offerings on the market, it seems almost certain that Senator Hailstorm's bill to enable anyone caught in possession of an MP3 file to be reclassified as a terrorist will make it easily through Congress.