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  Monday 2nd September 2002  The Arts   Powered by Yeast Logic
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More buzzing news fresh from the Hollywood hills

Williams' outrage, Spears loses virginity
by Our Hollywood correspondent

Cuddly funnyman Robin Williams caused controversy on The Late Show With Jay Leno last Thursday.

During the interview, a part of the show in which both Jay and his guest are conventionally seated, Williams spontaneously stood up to deliver a mock-Shakespearean oration, causing the picture to wobble slightly as the cameraman quickly sought to refocus the shot.

Later, the hairy-backed comic rose again to deliver a little dance when he impersonated a German (or possibly Brazillian) soccer player, prompting Jay to gently shake his head in wonder and admiration.

Those who missed Williams' outrageous performance can catch it again on David Letterman this Friday, Clive Anderson next Tuesday, Parkinson the following Sunday, Oprah on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and on every god-awful couch show from now until the day you die.

Britney Spears has lost her virginity! The 20-year-old popster confessed yesterday that her virginity is missing, presumed stolen. Los Angeles police have issued a photofit image of a hymen described as pink, fleshy, possibly torn, and are comparing Justin Timberlake's DNA against a pool of human ejaculate found at the scene.

In the UK, the 2002 Embassy World Snooker Championship has been cancelled out of respect for murdered schoolgirls Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, it was announced yesterday.

David David of the World Snooker Association explained: "Your typical game of snooker uses 15 red balls off the break and, as I think we all know, Holly and Jessica were wearing red shirts when they went missing. We decided to cancel the tournament in order that we not offend the British public."

Mr David could not confirm reports that the WSA is considering changing the color of the balls to turquoise as a permanent mark of respect.

Casting for the next installment of the Indiana Jones saga is now complete, with 69-year-old Harrison Ford confirmed to play the title role for the fourth time and Ryan Phillippe reportedly on board as the young archaeologist who excavates him.

Jamie Lee Curtis made a bold statement in support of natural female beauty this week, baring her body, cellulite and all, for a More magazine photoshoot. She came out strongly against cosmetic surgery in the accompanying article.

"I've had a little lipo. I've had a little Botox. And you know what? None of it works. None of it," she told the magazine. "The only cosmetic surgery that worked was that one time they cut my cock off, and to be quite honest I'm beginning to have second thoughts about that one, too."

A vicious fight erupted in Santa Monica this week, when the stars from two rival collect calling commercials inadvertently decided to harass the same hapless payphone user at the same time.

According to reports, leather-clad cyberbabe Ava Savalot, of 1-800-COLLECT fame, approached tanned college kid Brad Johnson at a phone on the beach early Tuesday afternoon, only to be interrupted a few seconds later by 1-800-CALL-ATT's Carrot Top.

When a bewildered Mr Johnson expressed confusion over which service he should choose to call mom, a row broke out during the course of which Mr Top lost three teeth and Ms Savalot's left implant exploded, eyewitnesses said.

Though tempted to "Save A Buck Or Two", Mr Johnson told The Rockall Times he ultimately considered Mr Top's claim that "It's Free For You, Cheap For Them" to be the more appealing offer.

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