I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

Italian football cash crisis resolved

It was revealed yesterday that Italy's Serie A season will finally be able to kick off as a result of one player's selfless sacrifice.

Many clubs face financial ruin since TV companies are no longer prepared to shell out huge sums for technically perfect, if mind-numbingly boring, nil-nil draws. Similarly, pay-per-view subscriptions have continued to nosedive. Last month, managers at the main TV network, Berlusconi One, released statistics showing that last season's goaless game between A.S. Parmesan and S.S. Nazio attracted an audience of just 23 people.

However, things are looking up following the decision by dentist-friendly Brazilian Ronaldo to move from Intercity of Milan to Generalissimo Franco's team Really Fascist of Madrid.

Club owner Massimo Moremoney enthused: "Thank God for that. The sale will save Inter around around 50 million euros a year — money which can be better spent paying off debts to other clubs. It's a lifesaver."

Despite a precipitous slide in attendance's and shocking results in European competitions over the past three years, no right-minded Italian has any doubts that Serie A football is still the very best in the world. "Our players still have the best baggy shorts and straggly hair on the planet," opined journalist Tony Tortellini. "And you can't buy that."

 Email an enemy  Pub-friendly printable version  ‘Sport’ index page