George Best outrages holocaust survivors

Footballing legend George Best found himself at the centre of a storm of controversy yesterday as furious Jews branded recent comments made by the retired alcoholic "obscene".

Protestors expressed their outrage when the ex-Manchester United star remarked after a recent liver replacement: "I know I look like someone from Belsen."

One aged victim of the Nazis spoke for the group when he said: "However bad we looked, we never looked that bad." Another told The Rockall Times: "It's obscene to make these kind of comparisons. Not only does he not look like me, I would never have missed that open goal against Leicester in 1969."

Best refused to comment at the launch of his Zyklon range of children's sporting gear, from which he stands to make £1 million a year. Most of the cash will finance the twice-yearly removal of a fresh liver from a hapless Chinese convict.

The star has found support in the most unlikely of places however — the tabloids. The News of the Word has vowed to fight Besties' battle for him as a token of thanks for 30 years of pointless scandal and gossip.

Likewise, the ghost writer of Best's Mail on Sunday column has vowed not to let his cash cow be damaged by "any Sharon-loving lunatics" until he can find another past-it star in need of money.