Urban marchers to 'reclaim the city'

Town and city residents are planning a huge countryside march next weekend to protest about what they call the ruralisation of their homes.

Campaigners claim the country's cities and London in particular are being "muddied" and "soiled" by the welly boots of farmers and village dwellers who keep marching through town asking the government for more support.

Lead campaigner Terry Bloke told The Rockall Times: "We're sick of these people coming into our City and messing up the place. They smell of fertiliser and they all talk with stupid accents. Do us a favour, and get out. Gor blimey, lavvaduck, wotcha son."

The "Stop our City Getting Shitty" march is due to begin in a Norfolk field and end in a country pub somewhere in Gloucestershire taking in farms, barns and other country stuff on the way. Stewards will be on hand throughout the day with beer, fags and polluted air for those who cannot take the pace. Special car fume tents will be scattered along the route, and paving stones made from supermarket packaging will be laid to mark the path.