Afghan bumper harvest delights economists

There was delight amongst American state department officials yesterday with the announcement that the Afghan agricultural sector is experiencing a mini-boom and is poised to bring in a record crop.

After the many months of depressing news, the revelation from the UN has brought hope that things are finally looking up. The United States has faced mounting criticism that it has abandoned the country without first setting in place the necessary structure for economic regrowth.

The same officials did however admit they were "slightly downhearted" over reports that 94 per cent of the bumper harvest would consist of opium poppies.

"That's a minor problem", remarked General Christian C. Authoritifigure — commander of all four US troops left in the region — from his reinforced tungsten bunker at a secret location in the posh Kabul suburb of Binladen. "Remember — you can't make an omelette without putting the cooker on."

The recent UN survey indicated that the Afghan poppy harvest could yield around 2,700 tons of medical drug acetomorphine, aiding the thousands of Afghan citizens suffering from shrapnel wounds. Although the survey refused to rule out chances that it may find its way into the hands of US and European drug dealers.

The European Community has welcomed the news that all the poppies fields will be GM crop free. Ministers have proposed a 10-year, €800 million subsidy programme and a new marble-and-glass office in Brussels to house the 7,000 staff who will administer it.