Mel Gibson to shoot Finnegan's Wake in Hittite

Highly talented Hollywood all-rounder Mel Gibson is to direct a film version of James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake made entirely in the ancient Anatolian language Hittite, we can reveal.

Respected linguist Gibson — whose flawless Scottish accent in 1995 epic Braveheart wowed audiences worldwide — has further stated that the film will carry no subtitles. "Hopefully I'll be able to transcend language barriers with visual storytelling," he told a press conference. "People think I'm crazy, and maybe I am," Gibson added. "But maybe I'm a genius."

Hollywood agrees. "Take any project, stick Mel's name on it and you've got a surefire blockbuster," the film's producer told The Rockall Times. "In any case, we've rewritten the script to include a suitable anti-English imperialist slant and a couple of big battle scenes. That'll pack 'em in."

Academic reaction to the project has, however, been mixed. "Hmmmmmm," mused one linguistics professor, while another told The Rockall Times: "As the oldest attested Indo-European language, Hittite is certainly a bold choice. As for the lack of subtitles, I don't think it will make any difference to a US audience, as long as they have plenty of explosions and a sufficiently high body count."

Gibson hopes that the success of Finnegan — Cry for Freedom will enable him to bankroll some of his other pet projects, including a Inuit remake of Bridget Jones' Diary and his eagerly-anticipated Macbeth, set in 1970s Belfast and spoken entirely in Etruscan with Sanskrit subtitles.