Blair presents explosive Iraq dossier to Cabinet

Eye-witnesses have revealed the Cabinet reaction to Tony Blair's explosive dossier on Iraq and Saddam Hussein when it was first revealed to them last week.

According to insiders, the meeting was almost complete when Blair suddenly reached into an Asda carrier bag and pulled out a wodge of crumpled paper encased in a WH Smith binder. "Da da!" he is said to have shouted. "Here it is Cooky you ponce — told you that you should've believed me."

The 55-page report, entitled "Why bombing is always the best answer", was hand-written by George Bush and Blair himself. "We didn't trust anyone else to do it," the prime minister told a stunned Cabinet.

A picture on the front depicting Saddam Hussein dead on the ground with the British and American leaders each having a foot on his chest was drawn all by himself, Blair explained, although George did colour in the flags.

Cabinet ministers were apparently dismayed however when Blair refused to allow them to review the contents. "I never promised you could read it — you can only look at the cover," Blair snickered before leaving to catch CBeebies with baby Leo.

A Downing Street spokeslizard later explained: "Quite frankly, the information in this thing is dynamite. Nuclear indeed. There's no way that the PM can allow other people in the Cabinet — some of them who are proven lefty security risks — to look at this stuff."

As the Cabinet members departed Number 10, Blair reminded them all that he was "a regular guy" and that they could trust him. Clare Short, who appeared to be about to speak to waiting newspeople, was bizzarely bundled into an unmarked van before she give her version of events. Her current whereabouts are unknown.