Gunners will never lose game again ever, claims Wenger

Arsenal manager Arsenal Wenger has stunned the football world by claiming his current team are the best that have ever existed and assuring shareholders they will not lose another match until the end of time.

If he's right, that would means an unprecendented winning run of five billion games.

"Why not," Wenger said in the same silly accent as that bloke Phillipe who was here last summer. "I have studied videos of other teams from all over ze known universe and beyond. No one can beat us. We may draw ze occasional game but that is all. I hope no one thinks that this is any way boastful."

Wenger went on to defend Patrick Viera's latest two-footed lunge and dismissed suggestions that the star's specially sharpened studs were dangerous. "I'm afraid I must have missed that," he said of the event despite press pictures clearly showing some of the victim's blood landing on Wenger's suit.

Viera told reporters that he was "fried and grilled in a calvados sauce" after having to do three hours work that week and was only seeking to get on the ground quickly to lie down for a rest. They bought it.

There is only one blot on the horizon to come for Wenger's team in the next few decades, expert say. One pundit told us it was "unlikely" that David Seaman would be able to play much beyond 2050.