DC killings: NRA accepts need for change in gun controls

The National Rifle Association has responded to the sniper killings in

Washington DC by denouncing what it describes as the "dangerously restrictive" gun controls in the USA.

Speaking on behalf of the influential lobby, their president Charlton Heston — widely known to be a moderate activist for personal liberty — said: "It is clear that these murders could not have been prevented by the use of handguns, since the sniper was hidden from view and firing from a protected location. Grenades, heavy machine guns, and mortar fire, on the other hand, could easily have smoked out that sunnuvabitch."

Heston went on to suggest gun emplacements in gas station forecourts and outside schools was a logical preventative measure. He also said the NRA would be lobbying for the introduction of shoot-on-sight laws for anybody involved in unambiguously suspicious activity. Such actions might include men wearing dresses, unkempt beards, or wrapping towels round their heads.

The US administration has so far responded positively. Speaking at the opening of a new elementary school rifle range in Texas, President Dubya said: "We need to act to bring those folks that done these heinous deeds to justice, be they Ay-rab, pinko, commie, atheist, or other anti-American. Amen. Hallelujah. God Bless America."