Camelot heralds revolutionary lottery rebrand

Watford-based Lotto operator Camelot has revealed its latest plan to increase revenue. This follows several months of falling income which has led some commentators to wonder whether the decline in interest in the sweepstake might be permanent.

However speaking at a gourmet lunch for the media to celebrate the game's re-launch at Hertfordshire's leading no-star restaurant — Quincey's on the A41 — Camelot's MD, Oliver "Cat" McFat, was emphatically upbeat.

Pausing only to sweep up a serving-spoon-size mouthful of packet Mississippi Mud Pie topped with artificial whipped cream, McFat enthused: "We've had a team of highly-paid consultants working on this matter for the past six months. We were very lucky to get them — it was only thanks to the collapse of Enron that they were available to come over here at all. They've accumulated a mountain of data and have used the country's most powerful computer modelling techniques to determine precisely what needs to be done right now."

Building up to a climax of excitement while drinking some of Quincy's world-famous unfair-trade "I Can't Believe They Call It Coffee" McFat concluded: "From now on the game will be known as the National Lottery instead of Lotto. That's a much better name than Lotto isn't it? What for the love of all that's Holy does Lotto mean anyway?"

The cutting-edge slogan to accompany the re-launch will be "Don't Live a Little, Live a Lottery". TV personality and reformed comic Billy Connolly has been lured away from his native Surrey to star in a series of hilarious ads to promote the new product.

All journalists attending the event were given complimentary Lottery scratch cards and a personalised bottle of Sunny Delight™.