Good, solid advice from the Rockall Times

This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer.

The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2002/10/14/wilkinson-black-cat.html.

Sgt Wilko new top Black Cat

Howard sees his way to the Stadium of Light

by Alan Roberts

The shock choice of new Sunderland manager has been defending himself vigorously against a torrent of criticism of his past record.

Howard Wilkinson: New top Black CatHoward Wilkinson — whose finest moment came when, as England technical director, he persuaded the FA to accept UEFA rule 33B/458 on the weight of crossbars for U-16 games — has insisted that the claims made against him have no basis.

Speaking a press conference inside the purpose-built gym in the basement of his luxurious two-up two-down home in Batley, Wilkinson patiently rebutted each of the main points against him.

"Point one: I am not a 'Long Ball Man'. My teams have always played a mixture of styles. I can certainly remember one match back in 1991 when Leeds players made three short passes in the same game.

"Point two: I'm certainly not behind the times or out of touch and I look forward to bringing the most up-to-date methods to Roker Park, including the scoring of goals.

"Point three: It was not a mistake to sell Eric Cantona to Manchester United when I was at Elland Road. By doing that I was able to afford to buy such quality stars such as Brian Deane and stave off certain relegation to Division Two the following season.

"Point four: I am not an overly strict disciplinarian. Players are only forbidden from bringing their mobile phones to training if they have bloody awful ringtones."

A lightning survey conducted on behalf of The Rockall Times this week found Sunderland season-ticket holders to be 100 per cent behind the idea of Wilkinson not being appointed.

From The Rockall Times Monday 14th October 2002 http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.