Hussein sweeps back to power

Early computer projections from the close-run Iraqi presidential referendum have shown Saddam Hussein headed for a healthy victory over his opponents.

Iraqi television has beamed images of ecstatic voters jumping for joy and firing Scud missiles towards Israel to celebrate victory for the "Comeback Kid" of world politics.

Hussein has already taken the customary congratulatory calls from fellow world leaders. An aide revealed that President Dubya of the United States told Saddam: "Great job. You didn't get the votes counted in Florida, did you?"

Hussein's campaign managers had been going all-out to improve upon the result of the previous referendum in 1995 when the glorious leader squeaked home with a mere 99.96 per cent of the vote. This time they are hoping for something nearer 100 per cent.

The 1995 campaign was marred by accusations of foul play after the other five candidates died during break-ins at their homes just days before the election. Famously, Saddam showed his remorse by being represented at the funerals by a tearful nine-foot crocodile.

This election has seen no repeat of that fiasco however, with those political figures still alive choosing not to stand against Hussein as a show of brotherly solidarity with their leader.

Although turnout was reportedly high in Baghdad and the surrounding area, voters from Kurdistan reportedly chose to stay at home and wait for the results to be flown in chalked on the side of a mustard gas cannister. Commentators believe that their absence will not greatly affect the final tally.

There is not expected to be any significant change in the Middle East country's policies following Hussein's victory.