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Owners express disappointment at dog with two dicks

A Basingstoke couple are tonight threatening legal action against a local dog breeder after splashing out £2,500 for an exotic dual-dicked dog.

Marjorie and Oliver Thub bought "Bacchus" in August, hoping that his hilarious antics would amuse their three children and break the ice at parties. However, their excitement sooned turned to disappointment as the animal steadfastly refused to behave like a dog with two dicks, preferring instead to half-heartedly pursue the occasional squeaky toy.

Mr Thub, 46, told The Rockall Times: "The kids are in tears, the wife's on tranquilisers and all I've got to show for two-and-a-half grand is basically a genetically modified Labrador asleep under the kitchen table. True, he does have four bollocks to lick, but that's hardly going to keep dinner party guests amused for an entire evening, is it?"

Bacchus was bred by Jeremiah Dundoody of "GM Canines". He says he is saddened by events, but insists that the Thubs have declined offers of compensation. "I said I'd exchange him for a dog with no nose which smells bloody awful. It's a great favourite at kiddies' parties. They turned me down flat."

As for Bacchus, he seems unperturbed by the threat of legal action, waking occasionally to lazily worry a rubber bone with his snout. One thing is certain: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, no matter how many dicks he has.

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