Clowns demand congestion charge exemption

Members of The National Union of Clowns gathered today at London's City Hall to demand exemption from congestion charging for unicycles. Current plans allow cyclists to pass freely through the zone, but fail to specifically mention the unicycle.

Spokesclown Bobo stormed: "It's blatant discrimination. Why should we have to pay when we're using half of the space of a conventional bicycle? We need our unicycles to get to Covent Garden and this charge will make it economically unviable for many of us to carry on clowning. Ken Livingstone is stealing the cream pies from our children's faces."

Spokesman for Transport for London, Phil Plumage, sighed: "Although the legislation does not specifically mention the unicycle, one would hope that people would use their commonsense. It doesn't mention tricycles either. Or those ridiculous little silver scooter things."

The clowns' campaign received little support from passing Londoners. "Clowns are even more irritating than magicians," said mother of two Angela Cod. "I wish they would go away. They are scaring my children."

A further demand for the exemption of tiny comedy clown cars was ruled out unless they run on alternative fuel, have nine or more seats and do not disintegrate in a comical fashion at traffic lights. "Many of these cars carry at least nine clowns," said Bobo, "so that's some good news. I'll get back to you about the disintegrating bit."

We asked Mayor Ken Livingstone to comment, but he was drunk on the blood of virgins at an Evening Standard torchlit rally.