'I am not a racist' declares football star

Super reject Nick Barmby has denied being racist following allegations about what he said to Middlesbrough midfielder George Boateng. The incident followed the recent free-for-all and occasional football match involving the two teams at the Riverside Stadium.

Barmby has expressed despair at what newspapers have claimed he said. Speaking at a National Front rally in Yorkshire Barmby insisted that he had "not a racist bone in [his] body" and "some of my best friends are white".

Barmby's team-mates Lee Bowyer and Jonathan Woodgate have both been happy to come forward to act as character witnesses for their beleaguered pal.

"He's absolutely not any more prejudiced than Jon or me", said Bow in between practising his free kicks on a supine Asian student's head. "I really don't know what's the big deal. And Boateng's only, er, well he's only, well you know..."

Woodgate was unable to put together a sentence long enough to show his support verbally but held up some nifty little stick man drawings to try to make the point.

Leeds Chairman Peter Risible has made clear that the club will fully investigate all the assertions before rejecting them completely. "Our policy at Leeds United Football Club is to investigate any such allegation properly. Only after we have completely gone through the motions — taking as much time as we possibly can — and the initial fuss has died down will we issue the cover-up."

The FA has said that it too will reject Boateng's allegations after the usual cursory investigation.