HMV to bring out world's smallest polythene bag

Multimedia distributors HMV are to introduce an XXS-size plastic bag, thus regaining the upper hand in the miniaturisation battle with other high street stores, we can reveal.

The company has boasted that the new carrier bag, approximately the size of a penny, is completely incapable of containing any of their products.

HMV had previously held the title at the turn of the century, with a bag which could fit only a single compact disc. However, chemists Boots snatched it away last year when they began distributing bags the size of a single box of paracetemol. Boots' move was a particularly impressive coup for futile packaging, with just 0.6 per cent of useful mass in the final product.

The origins of the mini-bag war lie in the related fights over finger-space initiated by the major supermarkets. The original idea, known as "bagging helpers", was to identify any strong or healthy customers clearly capable of carrying a large number of bags. These people would be singled out at the check-out and an employee sent to distribute their goods over as large a number of plastic bags as possible, thus using up any finger-space that could otherwise be used for continued shopping in competing stores. Those with empty backpacks or other containers would receive special attention.

Boots had hoped to move unnoticed into this field by introducing a "no bag unless requested" policy as cover. They soon realised, however, that to obtain the same finger stronghold for fewer purchases of lesser dimensions, their bags would have to be considerably smaller. The concept was quickly picked up by other shops, resulting in an escalating battle of Lilliputian proportions.

HMV are considering whether to distribute their micro-bags at Christmas, marketing them as ideal for transportation of individual M&M's, or making them in their millions purely as a flagrant display of extravagance. They are unlikely to hold the record for long however: Lego are currently in discussions with Tesco over the development of a Lego supermarket, complete with aisles, checkouts and — you guessed it — carrier bags.