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No Ethiopian famine, confirms Short

International Development Secretary Clare Short has hit out at critics of her department over the supposed famine in Ethiopia.

Short has come under pressure to explain why she is not doing more to combat the crisis. But at Commons questions yesterday, she explained that the situation was not as some has portrayed it.

"There is no famine," she said, "there just a rather severe shortage of water that is causing crops to fail, animals to die and lots of people to pass away. Technically, that's a drought and not a famine. Which is completely different."

Reports from Ethiopia from Short's press officer speak of peasants on their deathbed grateful to Short for making clear the real reason behind their early demise. Short also revealed that the problem is being hampered by Ethiopia itself. "If these people who claim to be starving were to sell off some of their golden elephants then money to send food relief would be readily available. What do they want? Cake?" she demanded.

Short also defended controversial government plans to send hundreds of tonnes of out-of-date Sunny Delight to people in the worse affected areas. Affected by drought that is, not famine. "Medical experts tell me that there is no significant decline in the quality of Sunny D up to 2,000 years," she told MPs. "Tests have indicated a half-life of at least 1,250 years."

International aid charity McDonalds is also expected to alleviate the crisis with the opening of 19 new restaurants in Addis Ababa.

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