Celebrity faces Amanda Holden sex probe

A television celebrity is tonight being quizzed by police over allegations that he did not have sexual intercourse with highly talented actress Amanda Holden while her husband Les Dennis took part in Celebrity Big Brother.

Holden, 31, — who is as well known for discussing her telescopic nipples with lads' mags as she is for her acting abilities — is said to be "deeply shaken" by the revelations which became public after the man drunkenly boasted in a West End nightclub that he had spent an entire week out on the town without once running into the versatile thespian.

The man has so far been questioned for 36 hours by incredulous Met officers. "It simply beggars belief that someone can spend seven nights clubbing in London and not once set eyes on the delicious Ms Holden," noted one visibly-shocked detective. "Nobody has ever managed that. He continues to deny it, but we'll break him in the end."

To this end, officers yesterday deployed a team of crack tabloid journalists who have been working a relentless shift-pattern of non-stop probing. We have obtained a transcript of an earlier interrogation during which the accused steadfastly refused to confirm what newspaper editors already know:

Interrogator: Ok, let's run over it again. Where did your eyes first meet?

Prisoner: I told you, I've never seen Amanda Holden in my life.

Interrogator: Right, so your eyes met over a crowded room. There was an instant attraction. Did you rip her clothes off in the cab back to her place, in the hallway, or did you wait until you were in the bedroom to express your animal lust?

Prisoner: None of the three. As I said before, I was discussing Renaissance architecture with Ulrika Jonsson in the Met Bar until 3am.

Interrogator: Course you were son. Now, when you got Holden's kit off, was her muscular torso a sure sign that she worked out a lot?

Prisoner: I'm sure she does, but I can't confirm that.

Interrogator: Of course. Then you explored each other's bodies for ages, isn't that right?

Prisoner: (Sobbing quietly) Why? Why are you doing this?

Interrogator: Give it up son. Were her astounding nipples so hard you could have hung your hat on them? Did you leave her totally satisfied as a woman? Did you leave her on all fours barking like a dog, begging you to fill her box with your delicious cream before husband Les got evicted from the Big Brother house? Did you?

Prisoner: I need a cigarette.

Interrogator: There'll be no cigarette for you, sunshine, until we get what we want. Now, let's take it again from the top. Your eyes met across the crowded dancefloor. It was lust at first sight. You ripped off each others' clothes...

As the relentless pursuit of the truth entered it's third day, The News of the World this morning promised to crack the case before its next edition, or turn its attention to insinuating that someone else's wife has been putting it about a bit.