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Spectre of recession provokes education cutback bloodbath

Tony Blair admitted last night that the impending economic downturn will lead to cutbacks in ministerial blather over education. Ministers are to place an increasing emphasis on avoiding a recession instead.

"When we came to power," he said at a meeting called to elicit support for the as-yet unannounced war against France, "we determined to make our priorities 'education, education, and education'. Unfortunately with the world economy faltering, we have no choice but to reduce this to 'education and education'."

Reaction to the prime minister's comments was swift, just for a change. Union leader Chaim Ohnstryke told The Rockall Times: "In an increasingly brains-driven world, the UK can ill-afford to drop even one 'education' from Prime Ministerial speeches. It sets the wrong ring-tone. My members are at the coalface of the blackboard and we will demand that Tony Blair increases his mantra to 'education, education, education, and education' — not decreases it."

One Labour Party activist drove herself into a frenzy of mock disappointment and told us: "To cut by a third the amount of expressed concern the government has for this subject is a betrayal. We in the Rioctta CLP are bitterly disappointed and we would be even more so if any of us had any children at state schools to worry about."

Chancellor Gordon Brown is believed to be behind the PM's decision, with sources a cushion's width away telling reporters that the Prime Minister's present level of waffle was unsustainable.

Conservative leader, Duncian Smith preferred to make no comment on the subject. At least, we couldn't hear him say anything.

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