UK firemen send own children up chimneys

The Rockall Times has received proof that our gallant firemen are the most modern on the planet and deserve at least £100,000 a year.

Speaking in fluent Middle English, firemen leader Andy "McGonagal" Gilchrist outlined just how up-to-date our lads are. "It is incredulous," quoth he, "and I for mine own part am incredible that anyone should not credit it."

He rightly complained that working a full four days before having four days off meant that firemen's other jobs had to be mainly part time. Firemen across the country are now forced to marry off their eldest sons to girls with large dowries and send the rest of their children up chimneys in a desperate attempt to make ends meet, it was revealed.

"A groat doesn't go far these days," complained Gilchrist, "not that I'm complaining. Our lads risk their lives every time they slide down that pole, so why should you expect them to work overtime, work alongside part-timers or do things they weren't doing in the time of Good Queen Victoria?"

"They have to retire at 40 on an index-linked pension," Gilchrist added with tears in his eyes. "Is that a civilised way to treat another human being?"

Deputy President John Prescott voiced his full support. "I fully support them," he said, "and if they don't get back to work there's going to be ructions. As soon as I can find someone to hold my coat, me and Andy are going to have a full and frank discussion, and I'll carry on thumping him till he agrees with me. This is a civilised country and reasoned argument always prevails. I like Andy though, and we've got a lot in common linguistically."

LibDem leader Charles Cannaedae told us: "I'll certainly let you know what I think we should have done, as soon as the dispute has been resolved."