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Gallant Gallagher single-handedly tackles Mafia

More than a hundred German riot police with dogs and nets were needed to subdue Oasis bruiser Liam Gallagher last week as the Mancunian Hercules single-handedly thrashed a rampaging group of knife-weilding Mafia thugs. Brave six-footer Gallagher emerged virtually unmarked from the violent confrontation during which he consigned 50 Cosa Nostra footsoldiers to the local hospital.

Fifteen stone Gallagher, 30, moved quickly to aid a German woman when he saw a Mafia ruffian nudge her, spilling her cocktail. The muscular Oasis frontman demanded that the bully apologise, to no avail. A brief verbal altercation followed, after which a gang of 50 Italian hardmen assailed the heroic crooner with knives and bottles. Although well accustomed to gangland executions, they could hardly have expected the ferocity of Gallagher's lethal fighting technique.

Witnesses looked on in astonishment as the super-fit athlete — a 9th dan Karate expert — effortlessly disarmed and disabled the cantankerous Corleones. One anonymous English drinker, who watched the scene unfold from under a table, told The Rockall Times: "It was incredible. The Italians came at Liam with knives and knuckledusters. One of them pulled a gun, but Liam jumped, spun in the air, kicked, and somehow the gun was gone. Before long the whole gang was laid out in front of him in one big pile — just like the Zulus in that film with Michael Caine."

Police arrived at the Munich nightspot too late to save the gangsters, and, seeing the carnage around them, mistakenly attempted to arrest Gallagher as the perpetrator. By the time Gallagher took a final drink, put up his hands in surrender and said: "Ok, that's enough man. I'm ready to crash," he had added 36 hapless German policemen to the casualty list.

Gallagher was released from custody the next morning without charge after witnesses came forward to support his version of events. Police chief Volker Schmidt explained: "Our investigations revealed that Mr Gallagher was acting in defence of a young lady and we have decided to let him go free with a caution. Liam's a gentleman and should be proud of what he did last night. He is a true son of England, that's for sure."

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