No rift with 'that wanker Kewell' insists Viduka

Leeds United's top Down Under stars, Harry Kewell and Mark Viduka, moved quickly last night to make it quite clear how bonded and close they are despite appearances to the contrary.

Their comments of ever-lasting love and affection followed persistent reports of disunity in the squad. Kewell and Viduka have apparently not spoken to each other for the past two years and Viduka threatened to resign from the Australian national team when it was revealed that Kewell might be made captain.

Club officials have made clear that a so-called bust-up at a recent training session — when Kewell ground a broken bottle in Viduka's face and gouged out an eyeball — was no more that horseplay. They were equally dismissive about the seriousness of Viduka retaliating by cutting the brakes on Kewell's Ford Focus leading to a near-death experience on the way home to Emmerdale from the Leeds training ground.

Incredibly, despite these amusing and amiable japes the pair are still not talking. Leeds Chairman Peter Risible pointed out that none of this behaviour should be seen as remotely unusual at Elland Road: "After all, El Tel hasn't spoken to any of the team for several weeks — not that he'd want to anyway mind you — but it's just impossible what with all his television and travel commitments to spread the word about exactly what a good coach he is."

Both Kewell and Viduka are expected to be put on the transfer list in January, a move which will probably result in a heartbreaking separation for the two chums.