UK street gangs: Could you cut it in South Central LA?

In response to this week's appeal by Metropolitan Police Chief Sir John Stevens for top-class UK gangs who could cut it in the violent underworld of Los Angeles or Moscow, we here at The Rockall Times decided to lend our support to his campaign for world-beating crews with our own online Posse Rispek Checker™.

All you have to do is answer the following questions honestly, and our state-of-the-art back-end programming will instantly tell you whether you have a realistic chance of surviving more than 10 minutes on some of the world's most violent streets. Remember, honesty is absolutely essential here — self-delusion will only result in some nigger poppin' a cap in your muthafuc*kin' ass. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Where were you born?:	Jamaica Hackney Basingstoke
How would you describe yourself?:	Assertive yet sensitive to the needs of others, GSOH A natural born killer from the muthafuc*kin' Yard Wiv' rispek, Bro
What's you preferred piece?:	Starting pistol Uzi Chopin's Ballade in G minor
And your favourite film?:	It's a Wonderful Life Ali G in da House Scarface
Your crew's principal area of operations is:	Drugs, guns and bitches Shoplifting Computer reselling
What's the current headcount in your stable of bitches?:	I own two Yorkshire Terriers 1-100 Mo' than 100, muthafuc*ka
Which of the following words should be included at least 10 times in any sentence?:	Rispek And Muthafuc*ka
You're feeling romantic. How do you convey that to your bitch?:	Darling, I bought you these flowers Fancy a quick shag, innit? Get yo' bitch ass over that table, you muthafuc*kin' ho'
Pedro the Colombian has supplied two keys of Charlie cut with 90 per cent sucrose. What's your response?:	Pop a cap in his muthafuc*kin' dago ass Get the homies to mash up his wheels I'm sorry, who is this Charlie and why has Pedro got his keys?