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Bosnich denies goalkeeping allegations

Shamed suave soccer superstar, Mark "Bozzy" Bosnich has vowed to fight on in his heart-rending battle to get back his former place as Chelsea's top drug user.

The Australian's month of shame continued when an FA football testing unit dropped in at the London team's training ground and reportedly caught Bozzy indulging in a quick spot of five-a-side. Charges were immediately brought against the former Manchester United bench-warmer amid allegations that he retains some interest in the game.

However, the big-boned Aussie has vigorously defended himself, maintaining that he was simply standing around when some of his team mates were kicking a ball. "It's guilt by association," he whined, "as opposed to guilt by association football. I swear I've never done anything to help Chelsea on the football pitch since I arrived."

The former Hitler Youth member's claims were backed up by his manager Claudio Ranieri: "As long as I have been at the club, I have never seen Mark indulging in any type of football, let alone goalkeeping. Instead, he is a hard-working cocaine taker who just wants to be left alone with his £42,000 a week and his lovely girlfriend Darren Anderton."

However even if the FA charges are defeated, Bosnich is expected to face a great deal of competition for the number one banned substances spot at Chelsea from such other dedicated members of the Blues bloated squad including Jody Morris and John Terry.

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