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  Monday 13th January 2003  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Weapons inspectors seek reintroduction of ducking stool

Lord's good work goes on
by Dave Doughtfire

We can exclusively reveal that UN weapon-finder general Hans Bolix has asked the UN Security Council for permission to introduce the ducking stool in Iraq to assist him in his work.

Bolix has been hampered in his search for the truth about weapons of mass destruction but hopes that the with some old-fashioned persuasion he can persuade Iraqis that they are lying to him.

The softly spoken General, who searches the Iraqi countryside on horseback with his zealous band of weapons finders, says he must have the stool to carry out the good Lord's work on Earth.

The feared medieval device was last used in rural England hundreds of years ago, and proved an extremely effective method of truth extraction.

Despite vigorous complaints from Amnesty International and Tony Benn, it appears though that Bolix will be given the green light to seek out the truth and punish the guilty.

Puppet master Blair has shown his support for the move, and said he would donate one of his own stools if need be. In a rousing speech aimed at backbench MPs, he accused Sadamm Hussein of being in league with Devils. Mr Blair said the Iraqi leader had a familiar in the shape of a black camel, and that he possessed a third nipple with which to suckle said familiar. That, he concluded, was proof enough for him.

 Go on then, hard man