School slammed over sex education

Greater Dulwich School for Girls and Boys has been heavily censured by its local education authority, putting the school's radical approach to teaching at risk.

Officials from the South London Authority called for an immediate cessation at the establishment when, following a tip-off, they had walked into a sex education class and found what they called "obscenely inappropriate behaviour" taking place.

The school, which welcomes children from three years old up to 16, is known for its modern educational style in which nothing is kept back from the children so that they may benefit from an uncluttered syllabus and learn about the real world earlier than their peers.

However, one inspector revealed off the record that she was appalled to find two six-year-olds simulating "wolf-banging" in a class given by the school's vivacious sex education teacher Lucy Holdon. "The boy was pushing with his groin on the girl's bottom who was on her knees at the time," the inspector told us. "And then he looked up and asked the teacher 'when do I force my fingers down her throat, miss?', to which the teacher replied, 'only when you're coming Samuel'. I've never been so appalled."

The school defended its policy however saying it was a more honest approach to education and in response to a more sexualised world. "I've even learnt something from Ms Holdon lesson on felching," the head of the department, Samantha Sumba, told us.

Inspectors were also unimpressed by what they called a "scatological approach to biology". Asking one five-year-old girl what she was examining in her dish, an inspector was stunned to hear it was her own excrement. The class formed just one of 15 dedicated to the "Rotty in my botty" syllabus on the processes of the stomach and intestines.

Defending their policies and vowing to fight the court injunction, the head of Greater Dulwich explained to us: "Kids don't want to be patronised, they want to be terrified." "Nonsense," retorted head of the inspectors, George Harrison. "Kids don't want to be threatened, they want to be aided."

The education minister interjected: "Kids don't want to be helped, they want to be encouraged." However, PE teacher Martin Matthews summed up the affair when he argued: "Kids don't want to be shot at, they want to be made to run the gauntlet."