Investigators probe shock claim of non-electronic office communication

Incredulous investigators at Brunel University are conducting a study into an alleged case of verbal communication within an office environment.

According to observers, two workers at the head office of the Birmingham Manufacturing Company claim to have used verbal communication to resolve an issue. Unbelievably, the duo are also said to have claimed that not using email actually speeded up the problem-solving process.

Chief investigator Marcus Dealy, who has painstakingly reconstructed the sequence of events, explained to us the improbable scenario.

Worker A was stood at the coffee machine when he saw worker B approaching. Both workers had been involved with a computer problem discovered by worker B. According to the doctrine of seamless methodology afforded by today's hi-tech office, they would normally have proceeded in the following manner:

1. Worker B emails Worker A with details of the problem, copying his immediate boss in on the email.
2. Worker A emails back Worker B saying the problem could not be replicated on his system and asking for further details. Worker A copies in both his boss and worker B's boss.
3. Worker B emails Worker A, and the two bosses, a screenshot showing the problem.
4. Worker A cannot view the screenshot in the supplied format and emails Worker B, asking for a different format.
5. Worker B cannot produce a screenshot in the format requested by Worker A and, in an attempt to resolve the issue, sends an email to his Boss complaining about Worker A.
6. Worker B's boss changes a few words in Worker B's complaint and forwarded it to Worker A's Boss.
7. Upon receiving the complaint, Worker A's boss sends an email to Worker A asking for an explanation.
8. Worker A replies to his Boss saying he has attached the original emails received from Worker B.
9. Worker A's boss emails Worker A explaining he has forgotten the attachments.
10. Worker A emails the attachments to his boss together with an apology and a humorous cartoon.
11. Worker A's boss opens the humorous cartoon triggering a virus that causes the email server to be shut down for the next four days.

Well, that's what the text book says — a perfect illustration of the way in which email has enhanced office communication the world over.

What actually happened though, at the fateful coffee machine meeting, moves the story into the realms of fantasy. Worker A explains:

"I saw [Worker B] approaching the coffee machine as I was returning to my desk. I had planned to give him a curt nod and then check my computer to see if he had sent me an email. As we passed though, something just snapped and I began talking to him. It was a bit awkward at first, and I was slightly concerned at not having a record of our conversation, but after a while it started to feel almost natural. We walked back to [B's] desk and he showed me the problem. It turned out he had the wrong display settings in his control panel. We fixed the problem in about two minutes."

After intensive questioning of both men, Dealy and his team were forced to conclude the they were telling the truth. The experts, however, refute the claim that the verbal solution to the problem demonstrated any real benefits. "They were only about 75 emails way from solving the problem in the traditional manner," asserts Dealy, "so they were on the home straight anyway. I don't think this talking thing will catch on."