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Amazon CEO apologises over profit shock

Jeff Bejesus, head of Internet bookseller Amazon, today issued a robust public defence of his firm's latest set of results.

"It is just a blip," he assured investors. "We intend to invest in a new computer system, advertise extensively on the TV and open 100 high-street branches. If that fails, we will give our stock away for free until we hit red."

For the second month in succession, the dotcom firm's income was higher than its expenditure, leaving it with excess money — what economists term "profit". Financial analysts are said to be worried and the company's share price has suffered as a result.

"Any sign of a dotcom business making real money is obviously an extremely worrying development," one investment banker told us. "A blop we can handle, but a blip is something quite different."

Amazon may already have the answer however with its new plans to branch out into home furnishings, organic clothing, and weapons of mass destruction. Despite the giant's much-admired and well-run ordering and distribution systems, it is hoping that sheer implausibility will do for the business what sportswear did to Boo.com.

"We could act as a community portal, build our online profile and make money off the back of advertising," Bejesus pleaded with investors, but most had already taken the decision to shift their funds into mobile companies.

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