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Leeds player omitted from transfer list

Officials at Yorkshire debt-servicing firm Leeds United have apologised for omitting to put one of its players up for sale.

With Leeds £500 million overdrawn and its bankers threatening to take away their Switch cards, strong measures have been taken to reduce the deficit. That has included putting all squad members up for sale with a view to concentrating on its core shirt-selling business.

If the club manages to sell top players Ian Harte, Gary Kelly, Nigel Martyn, and Michael Bridges, analysts believe the club may be able to manage its remaining £498 million debt.

However, shareholders were horrified when they learnt 13-year-old Justin Thyme, who turns out for the club's junior side in alternate weekends, had been omitted from the football boot sale.

"We've launched an investigation into how this happened," said Leeds chairman Peter Risible at the first of his ten daily press conferences, "but I assure you that if any realistic offers come in we'll look at them even if he's not on the list."

Thyme is now expected to captain the first team on Saturday to give potential buyers a better look at someone already described by excited supporters as the "next Paul Okon".

Meanwhile, Leeds fans disappointed by the continuing exodus of talent are being told not to worry. Risible confirmed that some of the money for the sale will be used for new signings next year. Sources say manager Terry Venables is already eyeing up Carlos Kickaball from Panama Pirates.

Plus, Paul Gascoigne's agent has revealed that the Geordie superstar is set to arrive at Elland Road for exploratory talks with Venables on joining Leeds on a drink-by-drink basis.

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