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Less definitely not more, scientists prove

Japanese scientists who have spend the last three years testing the maxim "less is more" have rocked the scientific community with their findings.

A crack team of men in white coats spend more than £1 billion on the project, which involved highly complex statistical computer modelling and the construction of the world's first atomic abacus, housed in a bunker near Kyoto.

The project manager, Rodenei Tsurotsuteru, spoke with barely concealed excitement at the team's conclusions. "We've had to construct a new paradigm of methodology practically from the ground up," he told The Rockall Times. "This has been pure research at the very cutting edge of science."

When asked to explain further the tortuous path to success followed by himself and his 260 colleagues, Tsurotsuteru immediately lapsed into meaningless technical gibberish which so often prevents the layman from properly appreciating scientific innovation. After several attempts, an exasperated Tsurotsuteru emptied a bag of fifteen oranges onto the table.

"Now, I divide the oranges into two groups," he explained I have eight oranges, and you have seven. You have less oranges than me. Do you find satisfaction in this arrangement?" I admitted that possession of an extra orange would be preferable. "Exactly," beamed Tsurotsuteru. "Less is not more: more is more."

The crystal clarity of his reasoning could not be faulted, and yet it seems incredible that only now — and after years of highly funded research — has this apparently self-evident truth been exposed to an amazed planet.

The international scientific community has been quick to praise the team for its work. "Truly magnificent," gasped a member of the government-funded UK group investigating whether or not toast always lands butter side down. "This triumph has practically guaranteed funding for vital research world-wide for the next 15 years. There will have to be a symposium, I suppose. Do you know any five-star hotels in Tokyo?"

Meanwhile, Tsurotsuteru and his atomic abacus have not rested on their laurels. The Japanese genius is already halfway through an application for £500 million which he intends to use to test the belief that "a fool and his money are soon parted". "We shall see," smiled Tsurotsuteru.

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