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  Monday 3rd February 2003  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Obituary: Terry Waite

Loved by Christians, hated by plumbers
by Kieren McCarthy

Terry Waite no longerTerry Waite, the man held hostage for almost five years in the 1980s, has died aged 63 at his Surrey home. He had been hosting a special 16-year anniversary party of the news of his kidnapping when guests say he fell from his chair and failed to get up.

Initial reports that he may have died from starvation while trying to reach the buffet spread were dismissed by his personal doctor however, who concluded the cause of death as a heart attack brought on by pneumonia.

Attempts to revive Mr Waite were hampered by the extensive facial hair and large number of clothing layers he always wore to beat off the cold in his unheated home. He was announced dead upon survival at St George Thomas' Hospital in Guildford.

Terrance Jemima Waite was born in Cheshire in May 1939. At 18, he travelled to London for higher education, and from that point on never stopped travelling to deprived areas. Believing in Jesus, the cross, redemption and all that stuff, Waite soon signed up to the Church's re-education programme.

There followed over 20 years of travelling Asia, Africa, North and South America and Europe during which he did absolutely nothing of interest at all. However, Waite's big break came when the Archbishop of Canterbury invited him to become part of his personal staff.

Again, Waite was able to travel extensively but under the condition he negotiated the release of any hostages in any countries he visited. Unknowingly walking across the Amernian border in 1980, however, he found himself in Iran where he was forced to argue the release of several Western hostages.

Just two years later, after a terrible map-reading error, Terry accidentally entered Libya. The resulting discussions with Libyan leader Colonel Gadafi took their toll however and Waite restricted his movements to Europe for the next five years having secured the release of more British hostages.

Gadafi later revealed in an interview in 1989 that he made the decision to release the hostages when he realised Terry would not leave until he did. "He had this way of just talking and talking and talking about his travels," recalled Gadafi. "And combined with his stupid big grin and that annoying cuddly face, well, I was glad to be shot of the lot of them."

Terry's luck didn't hold out however and in 1987 he found himself in Lebanon. Assured there were no hostages in the country, Mr Waite was lured by Shia Amal — an offshoot of Islamic Jihad — into a trap. He was taken on 20 January to negotiate the release of more people.

Unfortunately, however, the leader of the organisation realised Terry's negotiating talents at once and put him into solitary confinement for four years. While there, Terry is said to have spent up to 12 hours a day persuading the radiator to which he was handcuffed to let go of him. His failure to do so sparked a dislike for household heating appliances that was to last the rest of his life and start the Anti Central Heating movement of the late 90s.

However, wanting to make use of his room as a dark room, Terry was kicked out his cell and forced to sit with fellow Western captives. After just a few short months, the others had threatened to kill themselves if they were not released from his cheery chubby face and relentless uneventful tales of African herdsmen.

Released to much acclaim in 1991, Terry was briefly viewed as interesting until his two books were released. Just a few years later, he was forced to tour insomniac organisations across the globe.

Aside from doing absolutely nothing for 1,760 days in between years of not doing anything but moving, Terry will probably be best remembered for his ill-fated attempts to make internal heating devices illegal. Spunking his entire book proceeds on a 1991 election bid (none of Mr Waite's 96 candidates received the minimum necessary votes), he spent his last remaining days grinning aimlessly at issues of Plumber Today and a photo of Margaret Thatcher.

He will be poorly wrist.

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