Good, solid advice from the Rockall Times

This is a pub-friendly version of this article — print it out and take it with you down the boozer.

The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2003/02/10/addiction-hell.html.

Robbie Williams' descent into gambling addiction hell

Star stakes £50,000 on single hand of poker

by Lester Haines

International rock star Robbie Williams faces bankruptcy as he descends into a gambling addiction hell, we can reveal.

The talented singer has already blown a cool £2 million in an orgy of gaming, including £50,000 on ONE HAND of poker. Pals are concerned that Robbie, having beaten addictions to just about everything else on the planet, is now irrevocably hooked on games of chance. They told us how Robbie:

  • SPENT £60,000 in a ten-minute orgy of casino-based frivolity
  • BLEW £30,000 after predicting at least one Columbia astronaut would be found alive — at odds of 1,000,000-1
  • SPUNKED £25,000 on a bet that Nell McAndrew would keep her clothes on for two weeks
  • BEGGED Hollywood pals for cash after frittering away $40,000 on cock fighting in Acapulco
  • RACED away from last year's MTV awards in Barcelona to blow £1 million on illegal cockroach racing
  • BORROWED £10 from ex-squeeze Nicole Kidman after assuring her that the fruit machine in his local boozer was "just about to pay out"

"It's completely out of control" confirmed one pal. "If Robbie asks you the time, and you say four o'clock, he'll say 'I bet you five grand it isn't'. And that's when he's listening to the speaking clock on the phone, while standing next to the kitchen clock and looking at his Rolex. I fear for the future."

Robbie's mates are right to be concerned. One expert in gambling addiction told The Rockall Times: "Robbie recently signed an £80 million contract with music monolith EMI. At his current rate of expenditure, he'll be a bankrupt meths drinker with a dog on string begging in a Soho doorway within 225 years. My advice to Robbie is that he seek help immediately. I'm available 24 hours a day at a special introductory rate of $500 per hour."

Next week:

How Robbie blew £500,000 on naked lap-dancing gladiatorial contests

From The Rockall Times Monday 10th February 2003 http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.