Government bans smoking gun adverts

The government today introduced a nation-wide ban on advertising of smoking guns after hearing from experts that the continued promotion of the subject was harming Tony Blair's poll ratings.

"We've tried just using health warnings to prevent people asking for us to produce one of these things but it doesn't seem to have worked," said a despairing aide. "Tony's beside himself with worry — though of course it's the public he's most concerned for."

From this morning, anyone found guilty of knowingly promoting the idea of the need for a smoking gun as justification for an attack on Iraq will face severe penalties. Individuals will be ostracised and ignored and newspapers publishing articles with the subject featured over-prominently may find it harder to get interviews with Alastair Campbell or tickets to the new Wembley stadium.

However, some governmental anti-smoking gun campaigners are concerned that there will still be some ways to get around the ban. The most likely methods will be product placement in overseas media that is then imported into the UK and point-of-sale promotional material.

But Blair remains defiant: "We can't go on as before with people asking for smoking guns all the time. They probably don't exist and if they do they're probably harmful and if they're not then what the hell other reason are we going to be able to give for attacking Saddam."