There’s fuc*k all on Rockall   57°35’48”N 13°41’19”W
Contact The Rockall Times FAQ
  Monday 17th February 2003  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
[E] [P] [I]

Britain turns on the Ba'ath

Welcome indeed to Britainistan
by Roberto Fiks

Tony Blair last week declared Britain to be the "Ba'ath Republic of Britainistan", effectively ending all opposition to his rule.

Speaking on NBC television's Meet the Press programme, the British prime minister stated that since it was impossible to defeat Saddam with the likes of the cowardly Germans and backstabbing French as our allies, the only conclusion was "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em".

Ba'ath Britainistan will not need complicated and stupid obstructions like a vote in the House of Commons, a second UN Resolution or even a national referendum in future before we send our boys abroad to kick ass.

President Blair also added that the ruling Labour Party would be guaranteed 99.9 per cent of the vote in future elections ensuring a robust military dictatorship that would be a stabilising factor in an otherwise volatile Europe.

Ba'ath spin doctors organised several stage-managed demonstrations and rallies on the streets of London in support of the new political system. President Blair added that "counter-revolutionary, imperialist, Zionist instigators like George Galloway and Tony Benn" will have to be "re-educated", Ba'ath slang for shot.

However, unrest has followed in the north of the country as the predominantly Scottistani exiles based in the EU-designated "no-fly zone" region have initiated hit-and-run attacks against units of the elite Britaini Territorial Army. An independent Scottistani would mean the majority of the Britainistani oil supplies would be under the control of this unruly ethnic tribe fighting for an independent homeland.

President Blair has vowed to crush all insurgency by making an example out of the Republic of Ireland. Republican Guard units have been massing in the north of this neighbouring country in anticipation of a possible invasion of the south. In an statement President Blair has insisted his people have a historical right to these lands as their "19th province".

 Go on then, hard man