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Oscars promise island of normality in world gone mad

The 2003 Academy Award nominations were announced last week and, following last year's ground-breaking Oscar wins for black actors, normal service has been resumed for 2003.

Last March, black person Denzel Washington took the Best Actor Oscar for the film Training Day, while black person Halle Berry was named Best Actress for Monster's Ball. Both winners continue to sport dark skin.

At the time, industry pundits said Hollywood had thrown off its racist past and embraced the multi-cultural modern world. There were even suggestions that more and better parts for actors from ethnic minorities, particularly black actors, would follow.

This year's nominees for the Best Actor award are Jack Nicholson for About Schmidt, Daniel Day-Lewis for Gangs of New York, Adrien Brody for The Pianist, Michael Caine (The Quiet American) and Nicolas Cage (Adaptation).

The favourites for Best Actress are Julianne Moore for Far From Heaven and Nicole Kidman for The Hours. Also nominated are Diane Lane (Unfaithful), Salma Hayek (Frida) and Renee Zellweger (Chicago).

"While we respect and embrace African-American actors, they can't expect to have it all their own way," a member of the Academy told The Rockall Times. "I mean, Jesus, we gave them the awards last year. You'd think they'd be happy."

"Remember, no white person has won the Best Actor award since Russell Crowe," the member continued. "And for actresses, you've got to go back to Julia Roberts. That's a long time with no recognition. White people have really struggled to make their mark in the movies in recent years."

Unfortunately, Queen Latifah has been nominated for the Best Supporting Actress award for her role in Chicago.

"Yes, but don't worry — there's no danger of her winning," the Academy member said. "The Academy likes to break new ground, to go against the grain, to make a statement, to reward those who have battled adversity. Like Meryl Streep."

Meanwhile, Halle Berry has hit out at accusations that she has set back the cause of black actors.

Berry said in her 2002 Oscar acceptance speech that "this moment is so much bigger than me" and dedicated the award to "every nameless, faceless woman of colour that now has a chance because this door tonight has been opened". Fortunately, after she had entered that door, it was slammed in the face of the hordes of un-white actors and actresses.

Furthermore, an enlightened Berry used her new-found power to prance about in an orange bikini for a Bond film. "I feel I have proved conclusively that black women can play dumb eye-candy roles just as well as white women," Berry said. "In fact I have dedicated myself to this cause for years. I've only been in three decent films in my career. How's that for a political statement?"

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